I wanted to be funny and clever and sunshiney in this blog post, but it’s just not happening. I woke up today exhausted and on-edge. I sipped on my coffee as I started my morning, and became panicky about our decision to drastically downsize our life. We are in deep—in the middle of it all—and I’m in a mode on this stormy Thursday where I am doubting. What a beautiful house we have—is it the right decision to sell, to change that when we don’t have to? What if we choose the wrong rental and are stuck in a place we hate for a year? We only have like two material possessions left to get rid of—will this leave us feeling empty instead of liberated? Why can’t I seem to let go of a few random things here and there? This is supposed to be a ruthless “everything must go” process, yet I’m still tethered to things that would probably appear stupid to anyone else.
I’ll get over this hump of completely emotional-based drama. I know I will. Most likely, it won’t last past tonight. But the wretched mix of emotions right now are under the clouds, coming in waves of uncertainty, doubt, guilt, anxiety, and fear. I think it’s important that, no matter how brief of a storm this is that’s passing through, I acknowledge that it’s here. And that it’s okay. If I didn’t have days like this amidst the whole big experience, it would mean it wasn’t important. And it’s so important.
I actually didn’t want to post this, didn’t even think about posting at all today. For a stupid reason—because I’m 90% so amped and excited for what we are doing, that it almost feels like it should be embarrassing to feel the complete opposite today. It feels like I should scold myself for feeling this way, or for complaining about something I brought on myself.
But that’s just dumb.
When I posted my original blog on this whole adventure of lifechanging downsizing a couple weeks ago, I had people from all over, all with different lifestyles and life situations that were shouting from the rooftops, “Me too, Tab!” So, no matter what stage you’re in on your own journey, stick with it. If you’re having one of these days too, or maybe several days like this, that’s not a bad thing. It just means you’re human and that this big decision you’ve made for yourself, or you and your family, it’s one that counts for something.
P.S. Promise I’ll be back with happier tidings next go ‘round😉